In this post as I start to reflect on all that has transpired in the past two weeks I wanted to talk about Gifts. For once in a Christian context it's not about spiritual gifts but actually about tangible gifts. Going to Cambodia was the first time since the age of 4 where I would be in a new environment where I would not know the language…at all. Neither Vietnamese nor Khmer. For some reason I was not too worried about it going in to this mission trip and knew that language was just one of many ways I could express love. And it was true. The first week went by swimmingly and I was all smiles. But during some down time, chatting with some people, a team member asked me if I was lonely. My initial reaction was "no, of course not". I'm so surrounded by people 24/7, the more American/Western side of me felt almost suffocated at times… so how could I be lonely? But when I really sat and thought about it some more tears started welling up in my eyes (for those who don't know me as well, don't worry, I cry a lot so it's typical). I realized I indeed was lonely.
Don't get me wrong, being on a team with all guys was great because I often felt like a princess and I felt like I gained 7 older brothers who included me in their jokes and fooling around. I was very much cared for and included… but in that moment when the tears started coming I realized I really missed talking to girls. There are just some things I didn't think about sharing with the guys that I did not even realize I was feeling or experiencing… and there were plenty of girls around but there was indeed a language barrier when it came to deeper issues. I did feel lonely.
And so that is how I entered the second week, feeling lonely. But before I could wallow long in my own feelings God drowned me in gifts, tangible gifts of love. It's funny because before this mission trip I would not have categorized gifts as one of my love languages but through an exercise we did during one of our team bonding events two weeks before leaving for Cambodia I learned that I indeed do appreciate good gifts. So at least once a day for the next week I received gifts from people. I felt so undeserving too. The girls brought me small boxes of used combs, used pens, hair clips, anklets that were missing jewels, freshly picked flowers, plastic princess jewelry… it was their best. More than once I heard the girls had given me things they truly treasured. Like Thia's favorite anklet or Bopha's shell of her beloved metallic green pet beetle that had died two years before. Things that were not fancy or luxurious but that touched my heart more than any real diamonds or pearls could because of the genuine, innocently sweet, generous heart behind each gift.
It is an art that we, as individuals who have so much no longer have access to. When we have so much there is hardly anything that we hold to the same way they do any longer. And things that we do hold on to in the same way we would never think about giving away because we have other things to offer. The beetle to Bopha probably holds the same emotion that I have for my precious Teddy (a teddy bear I've had since I was 5). I would never think about giving that away.
This reminds me of 2 things. The gifts that we give to God, the things we have to offer are not necessarily always useful or luxurious to Him in any way but they please His heart like no other. After all it is not the burnt offerings that He desires but our hearts. Second it reminds me that my God is constantly watching over me and loves me despite myself. He gives us gifts and woos our hearts even when we have nothing much to offer. I could only smile and hug these girls and boys. Even the words I wanted to say to bless them could not be given without the blurring of translations (not saying the translations were bad, just that sometimes the emotions are lost through translations).
But praise be to the Lord that has such a love for all of us and holds us all in His hands. He cares for each of us beyond what we can imagine.
-Peiran
